S/10 EP/05 Hey Dude!

Wolf and Fox go to the comedy club and meet a very comical person.
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(Wolf was going to a comedy club with Fox)

Fox:: Come on Wolf just try it out at least.

Wolf: Why go to a place to wait for a good joke to come when I can go out and make jokes about others on my own?

Fox: That is exactly why we are going.

Wolf: doesn’t sound that fun.

Fox: (grabs Wolf by the shirt) We are going and you are going to enjoy it UNDERSTAND! (the ground shakes after)

Wolf: Okay! Okay. geez woman.

(Shows Steve & Holly at another table.)

Holly: (sighs) This better be a good comedy show.

Steve: Come on Holly, let's just enjoy the time before we get married.

(Wolf and Fox go inside and have a seat while an amateur performs)

Man: When I was at an airport to fly out after I broke up with my girlfriend they called me an EXport.

(the crowd was quite)

Woman in the back: You suck asshole!

Wolf: God damn it Fox they only have shitty comedians. No wonder they charge less on Mondays.

Steve! Next time, bring me to something that's good! I'm leaving! (about to leave)

Steve: W- Come on Holly!

Well, well, well, if it isn't the shi...

Fox: Wolf!

Wolf: Err... the man I wasn't going to call shit for brains

Steve: (glares) (sarcastically) Right, that isn't the first time. (to Holly) Come on Holly!

Holly: No! That amateur sucks!

Fox: Come on Holly at least just enjoy the moment with your fiance.

Holly: (sighs) Fine. (sits back down with Steve)


Fox: (tries to lighten the mood) At least the menu has good selections

Wolf: You mean aside from the Monday burrito and the Monday refried beans? You know they just take a shit and serve it in that stuff then call them that.

Fox: Look we can call the health department on them later. Let’s just have something normal and enjoy ourselves.

Holly: (thinks) Only if this night could POSSIBLY get better.

Wolf: Fine but if any of those comedians try to make a joke at me…

Man: what’s up with that guy in the green hat? Did he decide to come in sick?

(A bullet goes threw his head and then the crowd cheers and laughs at his death)

Wolf: That will happen.

Thank god! That guy sucked!

Fox: Well at least you got people to laugh.

Announcer: And now ladies and drunken men, we have a new show for you tonight.

Wolf: hopefully it’s the closing curtain.

Fox: Shush.

(Holly taps her foot impatiently.)

Announcer: It’s a new comedian that just came into town. Give it up for Dude!

(crowd unenthusiastically claps)

Dude: (Comes out) Hey how are you guys and girls out there. How are you?

Man: you suck!

Dude: I would say that’s what your mom said but no need to tell what everyone knows.

(crowd laughs)

Man: Fuck you!

Dude: sorry if you came to do that the gay bar is down the street.

(Crowd laughs)

Wolf: This guy is good.

Fox: Glad you came?

Wolf: Let’s see how he holds up.

Steve: (laughs) GOLD!

(Holly smiles.)

Dude: Glad to be here. So how is your day here miss? (points to Holly)

Holly: Oh! (blushes) Well, it's been good.

Dude: Well looking at a buff guy like me why wouldn't it? (flexes a small muscle but it goes limp) Well that's the last time I take steroids made from China.

(crowd laughs)

(Holly laughs)

Steve: Hey! That's my engaged wife, man!

Dude: I would say that a chill pill but the last time I said that the guy tried to swallow me. (points to his body that was in the shape of a pill) boy that guy needed to pick that dead rat from his teeth.

Fox: See this guy isn't that bad

(Holly laughs)

Steve: (laughs) This guy's fucking hilarious!

Dude: who want's to see a magic trick?

Wolf: this should be good.

Dude: You sir. give me a dollar.

Wolf: Why?

Dude: To do the magic trick. it's a disappearing act.

Fox: Come one Wolf.

Wolf: (rolls his eyes and gives a dollar) better make this good.

Dude: Okay now watch as I disappear (Tries to run out the door)

Wolf: !!! (Catches Dude and starts beating him up)

Dude: Didn't I say it was a trick!?

(crowd laughs)

(Steve & Holly laugh.)

Wolf: do that again and your head comes off.

Dude: Why wait? (pops his head off and gives it to Wolf) there you go. (Dude's body pats Wolf on the back) Wolf: What the?

(crowd gasps)

Fox: How did he do that?

Steve: What the heck?!

Holly: Oh god... (about to throw up)

Dude: Don't worry folks. I'm completely fine because believe it or not. I am a real cartoon.

Wolf: What?

Steve: What?!

Holly: Wait, WHAT?!

Dude: Sure. (puts a gun in Wolf's hand) Shoot me in the face.

Wolf: (grins) Sure thing bud. (Shoots Dude in the face a the smoke from the gun cover it and then clears to show Dude's face look like a Picasso's painting and gives a thumbs up)

Dude: ta da!

Wolf: Well holy shit.

(crowd laughs and cheers)

Holly: OH my GOD! That was amazing!

Steve: Eeeh?

Dude: now who wants to drop this piano on my head?

(A piano is suddenly hanging over Dude)

Holly: Ohh! This should be good!

Dude: Just throw this ball at the target. (tosses Holly a ball)

Steve: Wait Holly, that could fucking kill him.

(Holly throws the ball at the target.)

(After the piano falls on Dude his head pops out through the top of the piano and smiles showing piano keys in his mouth which he plays the Shave and a Haircut tune on) (crowd laughs)

(Holly laughs hardly.)

Steve: (feels jealous) Cool...

Wolf: It's a good thing the classics are still alive.

Fox: What's wrong Steve?

Steve: Man, I never use to make Holly laugh like THAT.

Fox: It's a comedy club Steve. you have to expect to be funny comedians here.

Steve: Hmm, maybe-

Dude: I guess you get a lot of comments about your hair looking like poop huh?

Steve: Wel-

Man: Hey look! It's the shit head!

(Crowd laughs at Steve, as he looks down in distress.)

Dude: Well you should be glad. People say my hair looks like shit when it doesn't even look like... (a huge load of shit is dumped on his head) Oh wait now I remember why they call me shit head.

(crowd laughs)

(Steve sighs and shakes his head.)

Steve: (chuckles) That was pretty good.

Dude: You should see what happens out on a farm. I always wondered why the cows faced away from me raising their tails.

(crowd laughs more)

Steve: pretty good.

Holly: Come on you cutie, let's go and get you a new haircut.

(Holly walks out with Steve)

Dude: Wait what about me? This isn't my real hair it's just a wig! (takes it off and hair starts sticking up everywhere)

(crowd laughs)

Dude: (the wind blows off his hair to show that is was back to normal) Oops. I wondered where that crazy hair wig went. Nevermind!

(crowd laughs and cheers)

Dude: Thank You folks you have been a wonderful audience. Much better than the one in my mirror, he just stands there and mocks me.

(crowd laughs and cheers as he walks off stage)

Wolf: Okay I admit it. This was a good time.

Fox: See I told you.

(Wolf and Fox leave the place)

Fox: I hope we can watch him again.

Wolf:  that is if he isn’t mistaken for medicine at a pharmacy.

Dude: Ha! That’s a good one. I should add that to my act.

Fox: Oh Hi Dude. I just loved your act.

Dude:  Good cuz I got to many people wanting to rip me apart for certain jokes.

Wolf: as long as it’s not about me we are cool.

Dude: Wolf. I have heard of you. I was actually inspired into comedy by your sarcasm. Some of the stuff you say is hilarious.

Wolf: Well at least someone has a sense of humor.

Fox: great, now you’ll only encourage him to do it more.

Dude: just use my calling card if you need me.

Wolf: What calling card?

Dude: Just yell Hey Dude!

END